Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Foundry Ovens of the Bitter Paramore

Foundry Ovens of the Bitter Paramore

Author: Nick Alexander
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 5-7

On a blasted hill, squats a foundry of blackened brick [and] iron, belching acrid fumes day [and] night. Wise men call it cursed.

After that brief intro, the text opens with a list of rumors, some of which are only partially true and one of which is false. I'm not a fan of false rumors. When the DM provides information as part of an adventure setup, most players are going to accept all of it as true unless the party has some in-game reason to be skeptical of its source. False rumors serve mostly to create player confusion and waste session time trying to associate the rumor with the action as the adventure progresses. 

The rumors would work better as a proper introduction that sets up the stakes and provides the party with motivation to get involved. As written, there's only three relevant pieces of information and, subsequently, three motivations.

1) The foundry is the lair of a monster called The Paramore. (Kill the monster.)
2) Local women are disappearing. (Rescue innocents.)
3) Caravans have not arrived. (Earn a reward.)

If you throw in the partially-true rumor about golden statues and the true detail about the foundry being the former workshop of a master artificer, then you can throw in a fourth motivation. (Recover treasure.) Just tighten up all those rumors into a kick-ass introductory paragraph and, yeah, that's all you need for a solid session or two of D&D.

A few sentences about exterior details reference the profile illustration (right). The foundry is surrounded by an iron fence with a nearby kennel of hellhounds. Massive wooden doors enter the ground level, while iron gantries patrolled by skeletons and evil humanoids surround each of the four upper levels. The uppermost gantry is rusting and unsafe.

The keyed interior locations are described next, starting with the foundry's ground floor. The huge open room is filled with smoke and steam, making it difficult to see very far. The ceiling soars high overhead with iron gantries crisscrossing the atrium-like space. Vague humanoid shapes walk the gantries. 

A huge metal lid stands open in the floor, where a portal to the "Lake of Burning Iron" on the Para-Elemental Plane of Magma roars—the supernatural heart of this arcane foundry. Metal cranes on a higher gantry above hang out over the elemental portal. The hot vapors from the portal vent through a wide hole in the foundry's ceiling (which is actually the floor of an uppermost level). Pretty awesome visual.

There aren't really rooms in this space. Rather, all the action takes place on open platforms, walkways, ramps, and ladders made of iron grill, with just as much vertical movement as lateral across three levels plus the ground floor.

There's a patrol of hobgoblins and their verbeeg minders on each of the three upper levels, though their visibility (like the PCs) is limited by foundry vapors "to 30' in all directions except up," (emphasis mine) so their effectiveness at guarding the lower level is questionable. But they're there, lurking in the gloom. An hourly schedule of their approximate locations while on patrol is indicated on the map (very helpful). 

An apparition also appears on the ground floor just before dawn, searching for a lost necklace the party may (somehow) find among the grime and debris on the foundry floor. Per the map, this space is 120' x 120' which is 14,400 sq. feet. It would take 144 turns (24 hours) for a character to "search" this space (during which, they would presumably find the necklace at some point). 

Not making a judgment here, just throwing out some numbers for considering how finding this necklace may play out at the table (or not). In any case, finding the necklace without being aware of the apparition's existence means the possessor is haunted by the spirit who will plague the character (with death checks!) until they return the necklace to the foundry, which they will not know to do unless the apparition tells them (up to the DM). 

Still a bit iffy on the chances of the party finding the necklace, but it can't be easy to find or the apparition would have already done so. It's an interesting encounter with potentially long-term (possibly fatal) consequences. It needs a payoff of some kind, though, even if its just a reveal that she is the model for the iron statues/casting mold (she's not anything in the text, presumed to be the spirit of a former captive, I'm just throwing that out as a narrative example). As written, it's a neat but meaningless event.

The patrols are set encounters, but any other monsters encountered in the foundry area are randomized (either "wandering" or with a chance to be present at a keyed location). This entails the possibility that the party could wander around this entire cavernous area over multiple levels and not encounter anyone. Statistically unlikely, but possible especially given the limited visibility.

There are some unfortunate souls to rescue here. One is definitely present; one or two others are only here as a random possibility. Rescuing the (male) merchant from his cage, where an insane leprechaun may (1:6) be torturing him, earns the party a reward and the gratitude of "a merchant house with a ruthless reputation." The other (possible) victims include lady "captives" (which I'll get into below) dangling from two of the three cranes. If there are captives here, there will also be verbeeg (and eventually the villain known as The Paramore, a fire giant, shows up to terrorize the ladies).

The third crane hoists an iron block that turns out to be a woman-shaped mold that "reeks of burnt bone." Okay, note that this is currently area 5 on the map. I'm now going to jump ahead and reference a later section of the manuscript, a description of the foundry's roof area. Here, the party encounters the following:

A dozen identical iron statues are strewn hither [and] thither (400 GP each). Their design can be seen to match the cast in 5. One of the statues has a flaw, through which is part revealed a blackened human skull.

So, the fire giant is (apparently—I'll get into this later) kidnapping women and, among other things, putting them in this casting mold and dropping it into the lake of molten iron below, encasing their bodies in iron. That's not really how a metalsmith would cast a statue, they would scoop the liquid iron in a crucible and pour it into sprue holes in the mold. Maybe that's what's supposed to be happening here (there is a colossal crucible on the ground), but you wouldn't want the mold to be that far from the source metal. C'mon people, this is basic metallurgy!! (I'm only joking.)

The details about burnt human bones are meant to be clues to all this, but there's a problem: Bone turns to ash at about 1,800°F (1,000°C) while iron becomes molten at 2,800°F (1,538°C). Flesh-and-bone evidence would not survive the process and, instead, the mold would form a statue of solid iron mixed with molecular traces of the victim. 

Yes, I'm still nit-picking here, but this one is a huge nit and I'm picking it only because it's central to a primary element of the story. I know both my player groups would call BS on it, though I appreciate the author's creative exuberance. People encased inside statues was a real thing, just not like this.

The last location in the foundry area is an enclosed control room where the cranes and magma pool lid may be manipulated. Closing the lid without setting the pressure valves properly (which the party will not know to do, or how) will cause the well to explode, possibly destroying the entire foundry and killing everyone within. That's cool, but this mechanic needs to be better detailed, since closing the lid is something a party is likely to do, thinking to contain some of the power and/or threat of this lair. It's what I'd do.

The compartment only contains "pressure release valve dials," (emphasis mine) meaning the indicators of pressure levels. The actual pressure release valve's location is never stated, nor are there any details about how it is "activated" to prevent explosion. Typically, this would be a wheel or lever, maybe a series of them. Maybe reopening the lid is the pressure "valve," but it seems like you'd want a way to release pressure while keeping the lid closed.

The DM would also want to telegraph that something is increasingly wrong with the facility and that the PCs are responsible: Tremors shuddering through the tower; increasing gouts of steam and smoke; screaming metal joints; popping rivets; etc. It's important to include this because if the party (reasonably) closes the lid and the place simply explodes without warning, the players are not going to be happy. Channel the end of Aliens when Ripley rescues Newt from the alien queen. That energy would be perfect, but give them that chance to fix the situation first by releasing a pressure valve or re-opening the lid.

An iron spiral stair on the top platform leads to the main lair of the fire giant and his minions—hobgoblin slaves, verbeeg minders, and the insane leprechaun. In the chamber at the top of the stairs, the party is confronted by "Dog," the twisted shell of a man, a former paladin who has been disfigured and broken by The Paramore's torture, and a "helpful" but out-of-control flesh golem wearing makeup and a wig. (?) 

Dog will likely run away, but there are no details about his actions if he doesn't. The golem identifies that the PCs are not the artificer, it's "master," and it speaks to the party, though golems are non-intelligent and require commands to function. It offers to help the characters with their footwear (?), but it doesn't attack unless the party does the wrong thing elsewhere. It's a weird room.

Beyond the entry area, the top floor is a series of chambers below the roof and saturated with toxic gases (which don't seem to affect the hobgoblins, verbeeg, and human captives). As with the foundry below, there is only a chance of encountering the main antagonists, even in their quarters, so the party may find themselves wandering around for a while searching for the big-bads.

A row of cells is guarded by hobgoblins (and maybe a verbeeg) and contains 1–6 "Captivating Captives" (getting to that), but then sets up a scenario where there are at least two captive women here, one of whom is a doppelganger; the other woman knows what the creature is but can't say as her tongue is cut out (but she can gesture emphatically or perhaps write it down). It would have been much cooler/more dramatic if the doppelganger's presence had remained a mystery instead of arousing the players' suspicions from the get-go.

So, there are locations throughout the text where the party can encounter and rescue the kidnapped maidens hinted at in the rumors section. These unfortunate ladies are generated randomly using a d10 to determine each individual's name/status, desire, fear, and personal secret. It's an interesting table that gives some dynamism to what would otherwise be a boring, damsel-in-distress trope, and throws a little randomness in there to keep the DM on his toes as well. I like it. Should have made one of them the doppelganger.

At the center of this level is a gaping hole directly over the elemental portal below. Gusts of hot air and gas funnel through here like a chimney, and The Paramore has built himself a bbq grill where "a dozen heads bake on a griddle." What type of heads and whose they are is unstated, but it's gruesome nonetheless. There are hobgobs here cooking, and maybe a verbeeg. Metal pipes also scoop up hot gases from the chimney and vent them throughout the complex via iron pipes. Why? I'm not certain. There's a chimney hole in the ceiling to vent that stuff.

Within the fire giant's private chamber, there is only a chance he is here, either asleep or with one of the captives... and things get rape-y and then downright murderous. Definitely monstrous and over-the-top, probably more explicit than it needs to be. This information is included to establish the fire giant as a creature the party must kill, but the party is unlikely to see most of the explicit details occur unless they observe the situation for a while (creepy if they do). If they bust into the room, they only know that the giant is here with a captive. This unnecessary level of detail extends to the giant's gruesome closet, filled with wedding dresses and the corpse of a young woman. Too on-the-nose...

This all could have been related to the party by the other captive women—i.e., this is what the giant wants and here's what happens when he gets angry—without describing it so graphically in the text. I know that these kinds of scenarios are a staple of pulp fiction from a different era, and it may seem contradictory to think differently about extreme violence when the victims are men (such as the mad merchant), but it is different. I run a campaign with five female players and they love the damsel-in-distress trope, but I would never present them with this material as written.

There's a graphically-described torture chamber where the party may encounter the insane leprechaun or some verbeeg in the act. A bricked-up section of wall conceals a secret door into an adjacent room: The artificer's sanctum. Here, "[b]lack stone polished pillars mark the four cardinals," except the pillars are in each corner of the rectangular room, meaning they are neither aligned to, nor pointing at a cardinal direction (N,S,E,W). If anything, they are sort-of pointing at the ordinals.

A pile of bones "moulder" within a magic circle. An iron-bound book rests on a nearby altar. The ghost of the artificer stands nearby, then speaks to the party (presumably after they've all made saves to resist aging and fear after beholding him—hey, he's statted up as a by-the-book ghost). He is incensed that the giant has taken up residence here and if the party agrees to rid the place of him, he gives them two scrolls to help their cause: one of Disintegrate and one of his unique spell, Stir Bride of Chlimbia. Chance of scroll failure for reading a 9th-level spell is around 50% for magic-users in the adventure's recommended level range, so good luck.

The artificer's ghost becomes hostile if the party messes with the tome (which is also trapped with a Symbol of Death). Dispelling the magic circle causes the ghost to vanish, though he curses the character who did it, turning their bones to iron, with an interesting set of complications. Doing so also causes the flesh golem to attack the next time it sees the party (I think). If the party wins his spellbook, the DM is instructed to "[g]enerate [a] grimoire for [a] level 18 MU + Stir Bride." More on that below.

So now we come to realize that, while the fire giant is definitely behind the kidnappings, it is not he who is responsible for constructing the iron atrocities. That would be the artificer. He knew (maybe created?) a spell that animates a specific object: An iron statue with human bones inside, formed of material from the Plane of Magma. He built this place to create an army of what are basically iron golems.

The chamber in which the hobgoblins dwell with their scheming leader is described next, as is the evil leprechaun's "hovel" where a flock of fire bats dwell. Behind a tar-sealed door is a burnt-out library where a "leering stone bookend" binds an efreet's spirit. He has been whispering to the various occupants of the foundry through the steam pipes (which the party can hear if they put an ear to a pipe). He begs the party to find the artificer's remains and break the curse which holds him here by destroying the magic circle, offering them three wishes as a reward. (If the party has already done so when they get here, the room will be empty. Ah, what might have been?)

A ladder leads from the top floor to the roof, where identical iron statues (presumably of the voluptuous figure in the mold; the text doesn't say exactly). There's also a massive brass bell which summons a trio of wyverns that obey the giant for some reason, and an enclosure where the fire giant paints lousy portraits of his captive women (and his mother) on canvasses of flayed human skin. Mm-kay.

Treasure is sparse, totaling about 41,000 gpv, not counting whatever the spellbook of an 18th level magic-user ends up adding to the total (and it will be substantial). I get why the author didn't include every spell because of the contest's space limitations, but it would have been nice to simply specify how many spells of each spell level were contained within, from which you could derive the item's xp/gp values. Do that bit of math to calculate how many spells an 18th-level magic-user would have in his book, and you save every other DM running this adventure the time and trouble. The designer should also know those numbers so as to calibrate the dungeon to a recommended party size and level range. 

According to Unearthed Arcana: 

Standard [spell]books ... [contain] up to ... 24 spells of 1st–3rd level, up to 16 spells of 4th–6th level, or up to 8 spells of 7th–9th level.

The "or" in that sentence refers to the fact that a magic-user will need separate spellbooks for each set of spell levels: 1–3, 4–6, and 7–9. In this adventure, the artificer has a single "grimoire" to serve as his three spellbooks.

Using the UA guidelines, let's say, hypothetically, that the magic-user's spellbook contains 18 of the suggested (24) 1st–3rd-level spells, nine of the (16) 4th–6th-level spells, and five of the (8) 7th–9th-level spells. Then split the number of spells evenly among each of the three spell level ranges—i.e., six spells each of 1st–3rd level and three spells each of 4–6th level. He can only have one 9th-level spell (and it has to be his unique spell as indicated in the text), so two each for 7th- and 8th-level spells. This example book, then, contains a total of 129 spell levels and is worth either 64,500 xp, or 129,000 gp. Again, this is a significant adjustment to the risk:reward ratio and shouldn't just be hand-waved.

Magic items aren't bad: A Robe of Scintillating Colors, a +2 Ring of Protection, a Ring of Fire Resistance (very handy here), a Bag of Holding (type is not indicated), and a Net of Entrapment. The giant wields a +1 Flame Tongue Great Sword and that's metal. The leprechaun has a tin of Dust of Sneezing and Choking, an item that can be both bane and boon. There's also a few potions (Polymorph, Speed, Extra-Healing) and two 9th-level spell scrolls. The lot totals another 16,650 xp, or sells for almost 91,000 gp.

And that's the site. You can leave the dynamics of the "boss fight" up to random chance or choose the best moment to have the villain enter the picture. Once he's dead, that's pretty much The End.
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1) THEME
(How strong/consistent is the adventure's premise, flavor, and setting?) 

The theme here is the fire giant's heavy metal foundry and I think the site nails it (though I question the architect who would build living quarters in the exhaust path above a smelting pit, but we won't delve too deeply into that). A secondary theme here is body horror and torture. Not my favorite genre, though I've read a Clive Barker novel or two, but again I think this site tackles it well if you're not the squeamish type. 

It pushes boundaries in a few places, but nothing too transgressive for a modern audience accustomed to such things. Nothing in this adventure is any more gruesome than a typical season of Game of Thrones. Probably the most egregious is the giant's motivation to lay with kidnapped human women. The concept of monsters stealing women to lay with them is a classic fantasy and cinematic trope. 

Hell, Beauty and the Beast is considered a romantic classic and a hit Disney movie. (For children!)  Granted, in the original fairy tale, Beast doesn't rape Beauty outright, but he does threaten to kill her father unless she moves in with him and then he pressures her every night to marry him and "share his bed." When she finally relents, he is transformed into a handsome prince. Now what? That makes the sexual assault better somehow?? (The story was written by a woman, by the way, so it's not the fevered dream of some 18th-Century incel.)

But in this day and age, and with so many women now playing D&D, the trope maybe doesn't need to be so explicit. Same with the castrated paladin, forced to wear his penis around his neck (presumably on some kind of necklace and not like a torc). I wasn't particularly bothered reading it, but I can see how others might be, and as I mentioned above, I would tone a lot of that down for my group of lady-friends. They'll understand the stakes without me having to delve into all that unpleasantness.

The other monsters in the lair aren't particularly thematic. I would have loved to see more fire-based creatures typical of a fire giant's lair (especially since there is an open pit into the elemental plane of magma right there). Magic items (other than the Ring of Fire Resistance and the giant's Flame-brand) are also not terribly flavorful.

One quibble to mention here: "paramore" isn't a real word (despite the band name, which turns out to be a person's surname... I looked it up). The word the author wants is paramour, which means "lover," but a secondary one to a person's primary relationship (the word literally means "side love").

For what was intended with this adventure site, the author remained committed to his themes and they are effectively written. Can't ask for much more than that.

SCORE (THEME) = 4 / 5
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2) MAP AND ART
(How complex/useful is the map and/or art? How easy is it to grok the layout?)

The hand-drawn maps have been scanned in but are somewhat askew, so the grid is not straight. The grid is also slightly elongated and not square. There's a blue-gray cast to the map images, which may be the actual color of the paper. Intentional or not, the cobalt gray hue lends a metallic vibe to the map. I like it! Where there is color, such as the elemental portal, it appears to have been painted on by oil pastel crayons (the art kind, not the Crayola kind). It might be something done in an image editor, but it looks like real artwork instead of computer-generated.

There is no shading to indicate which areas are platforms and gantries, and which areas are open space. This would have been helpful, but it's also not hard to figure out. Notations on the maps identify major points of interest. Some of these notes come close to being text that should be in the writeup instead, but they are all related to things on the map so I won't ding the scoring.

A scale of 10' squares is given for the exterior map, while the interior maps have a 5' scale. This creates a bit of a map error, in that the exterior tower is 100' wide, while the interior space is 120' wide. There are areas inside that the giant is too big to access (such as certain gantries), which is a nice touch.

The exterior map functions as an illustration as well, and does a good job of showing where the major entrances and accessways are located (at least for one of the foundry's four sides). The front cover is the author's rendering of the titular villain, a great little piece of art that emphasizes his gnarliness. Love it! 

SCORE (MAP/ART) = 4 / 5
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3) CLARITY
(How easy is the writeup to read/parse quickly? How well does the information flow?)

The text is in two-column format, left aligned. Margins are almost non-existent, especially at the top, bottom, and right sides. Without these extremes, there's no way the 10-point manuscript would fit onto three pages, but this is not in direct violation of a format restriction and doesn't make the text unreadable so I'm letting it slide. It's bad, though, from a publishing format perspective. Don't do this.

The final page listing NPCs and monster stat blocks is mostly single-column format, although it reverts back to two-column at the very end for a few closing notes. Line spacing between paragraphs helps break up the dense text. Important words/phrases and NPC names are in bold text, magic items and monsters are italicized. The table to randomly generate captives could use some numbering and formatting.

Area descriptions are short, just a few sentences each, and the writing does a good job of imparting information in a logical flow. The manuscript is written in a free-form manner—sometimes full sentences, often sentence fragments or piecemeal notes. There are quite a few punctuation and grammar errors, but most are relatively minor and don't impede comprehension. One recurring grammar issue is a particular bug-a-boo with me: The persistent use of the ampersand (&) as a simple substitute for the conjunction, "and." 

This practice has become a lot more common in recent years (especially with texting), but grammatically, the ampersand is supposed to be used sparingly and only in certain circumstances, such as formal business names (e.g., Johnson & Johnson), informal phrases or titles (rock & roll, Dungeons & Dragons), or abbreviations (M&Ms, R&D). There are a few other acceptable uses, but it is not meant as an interchangeable option in the text body according to most style guides. This document is full of ampersands and I found it distracting. I'm not deducting points for it as it's not technically in violation of anything, but I wanted to point it out as advice to all adventure writers (or writers, in general). 

SCORE (CLARITY) = 3 / 5
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4) INTERACTIVITY/INNOVATION
(How well does the adventure use the rules to create interesting play?)

Despite the interesting environment, there isn't a ton of interactivity beyond straight-up combat. There's some ladders and precarious spurs to climb, but they don't require any special effort. The floor is slick with grease, so characters don't get their DEX bonus to AC (which nonsensically only penalizes those with high dexterity; low dexterity characters are unaffected, so it helps here to be clumsy). There's some equipment to play with (and possibly blow up the foundry), but as stated above, the interaction with the machinery is trial-and-error with no clues and very little impact to the adventure (unless the lid is closed). There's also a secret door, but the party will have to bash down a brick wall first (which is very cool).

The oppressiveness of the foundry itself has little effect on adventuring other than lack of visibility (which admittedly is a huge deal in here) and a chance to fall into the magma well if one climbs up to the rim to look in. There's an ever-present chance of falling from a gantry (or being grappled and thrown off it by the giant). Destructive party members can also get stunned by toxic gas if they damage any of the pipework. 

This is disappointing, as I can imagine all sorts of fun foundry hazards to mess with the party. The rest of the adventure will mostly consist of interactions with various NPCs, particularly the women captives who each have their own agendas going on.

A few last notes here: The fire giant's special attack lists "Hurl statues" instead of rocks, but does not indicate any altered range or damage for chucking an iron statue, which is far bigger and heavier than a normal rock. This suggests the author intends for the final battle to be on the roof. Also, the verbeeg have a special defense called "Ward off normal missiles." I don't know what this means.

Finally, the material component of the artificer's spell doesn't make much sense as described, and the effect itself is terribly overpowered, even for a 9th-level spell. It basically allows the caster to make a permanent army of iron golems without having to go through the process or cost of making an army of iron golems.

SCORE (INTERACTIVITY) = 2 / 5
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5) MODULARITY
(How easy would it be to drop/integrate the adventure into an existing campaign?)

This is a good monster lair that you can drop in just about anywhere. It's not reliant on anything setting-specific, the premise is simple and straightforward, and the main villain's activities (explicit or implied) provide all the motivation a good-aligned party would need to take care of this menace. Some of the specifics, mainly the levels of horror/violation and the unique spell, may clash with your campaign's aesthetic, but it's all easily modulated to one's tastes.

SCORE (MODULARITY) = 4 / 5
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6) USABILITY
(How much work will the referee have to do to run this adventure at the table tonight?)

This is a complete scenario and can be run as-is, without any additional work. The elements that some DMs may find objectionable or crass can be altered or hand-waved without any significant effort, and it remains a solid adventure site. 

You could put in some extra work to make it better, especially if you wanted to expand on some of the hazardous possibilities of the foundry, or maybe swap out the monsters. But it's not required to run a fun session of adventure straight from the writeup.

The one thing it desperately needs is an infusion of loot to boost the final xp tally (though finding the spellbook can make up for the lack of treasure elsewhere). Treasure is easy to add.

SCORE (USABILITY) = 5 / 5
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7) OVERALL THOUGHTS

I like this one a lot. It employs a powerful, iconic D&D creature as the main villain and puts him in an appropriately-themed environment. Not everything fits perfectly, and there is a lot of room for refinement and detail, but the core concept is straight-up D&D.

I was aware of some controversy surrounding this site from the discussions on the CAG discord channel, so I was anticipating something really disturbing. But I didn't find the writeup overly egregious except in a few places. I totally get what the author was going for here, it just might not suit everyone's tastes (and he had no obligation to make it so).

FINAL SCORE = 3.7 / 5