Owlbear Hill — Adventure Site Contest 2 Post-Mortem

My reviews of submissions for the Adventure Site Contest 2 are complete, my scores are turned in, and I've spent some time reflecting on what I learned from the experience, both as judge and adventure site designer.

Thanks to the other judges: Ben Gibson, BX Blackrazor, Owen Edwards, and Grützi for their kind and fair words about this adventure, and for all the hard work they put in to conduct their contest reviews. I was honored to be asked to judge, and I hope I brought something helpful to the table. 

Also, congratulations to all the contest entrants. I've said before that it takes a lot of guts to write something and put it out there for other randos to critique. I have respect for every author and encourage everyone to keep writing, as all the entries had good, creative stuff in them.

Yes, my reviews were nit-picky, far more than I am in "real life," and yes, they were long-winded, but I believe it's more important for the author to hear what doesn't work than it is to hear what does. Criticism, not praise, is the entire point of the editorial (judging) process. And to make sure the criticism is sound, you have to dig into the details and tear things apart to get at them. 

I went through each submission with a fine-toothed comb and double-checked the rulebooks (where I could) to form my critical questions. Often, I found the answers; sometimes, I found new questions. I put everything out there in terms of what I noticed, even if it was nit-picky, off-base, or purely personal opinion. Everyone's tastes are different and I'm just some guy on the internet, so the stakes of my criticism are low. My only goal was to give an honest and thorough evaluation of each site, from the perspective of a DM preparing to run it in a few hours.

The most valuable lessons about professional writing I ever learned were from the experienced editors who were hardest on my work. Their lessons stay with you, help you recognize the same mistakes next time before you make them. I certainly carry them over into my own editorial duties, contest or otherwise, and I hope all the authors take my reviews in that spirit. 

In the spirit of accountability, on the other hand, I thought it would be fun to apply some of the same critical standards I used for the contest submissions to my own work. I won't be scoring the categories numerically, of course, because I already think my adventure is GREAT! 5 out of 5!! 

Kidding, of course. There are actually lots of flaws and things that bothered me about my entry, regrets big and small, and could-have-beens that I forced myself to live with to meet the contest guidelines. Instead of giving it a score, I'll discuss my personal satisfaction with the results. I'm also including some design notes and elaborating on the original writeup. Stuff that might help someone trying to run it better understand my intentions. 

Since the methods I use for judging are subjective, I'm going to apply some of the questions/criticisms from other judges to test my creative premises. This is for no other reason than to have something to bounce off as a discussion point, because it represents something in my writeup that probably needs clarification. I accept their critique as 100% valid and agree with most of it—and much of it was positive—but where I can provide an explanation for my creative choices, I will.

 Onward!

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Warm Caves of the Ts'ai Dragons

I can't quite believe it, but here we are at the last Adventure Site Contest 2 review. This has been an interesting ride, and I plan to post some follow-up thoughts on the experience after taking a step back and considering what I've learned. It's been eye-opening, frankly, and has made me reconsider how I go about my own dungeon designs. I'll expound further, but congratulations to everyone who submitted something this year. It was a distinct honor to be chosen as a worthy judge, so I hope I've lived up to expectations.

On with the review!

The Warm Caves of the Ts'ai Dragons

Author: Sneedler Chuckworth
System: OD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 5-7

There is no introductory text. The writeup simply plops the reader into a list of adventure hooks. In the first one, an evil wizard offers to train the party's magic-users for free if they retrieve an important document. The second hook is a treasure map to the location of powerful magic arrows. The third and last hook is a report about a dragon running amok in the hinterlands.

So, the first hook sets the tone for the text. The "dread wizard Zothblimzo" desires an arcane treatise written by his hated rival Forxximon, another magic-user. The names are goofy and tricky to pronounce, but I don't mind that so much. It does suggest that Sneedler Chuckworth's adventure isn't taking itself seriously, which can work if handled properly. The unseriousness is reinforced with the subject of the desired treatise regarding "the mating habits of Fire Elementals." Hm. 

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Wailing Tower

Wailing Tower

Author: ShockTohp
System: Adventurer Conqueror King
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 4-6

In the salt district of the city, an old moldering water clock sits rusting. This marvel of hydraulic engineering, a gift from the local dwarf vault, was created as a heroic burial site of a human general of great renown, who once saved the dwarfs from a horde of lizardmen. The hero was interned (sic) with his spoils in a crystal dome, located in the basement of the tower (and surrounded by its reservoir) but in such a way as to allow admirers to look down on the interred from the ground level viewing gallery. However, its glory days are long gone, and the clock has been abandoned by its keepers. Now its ancient waterwheel creaks and groans, the machinery inside screeches like a tormented beast. While it was once protected by an army of statues, many whisper the enchantments have long since drained into the earth below, leaving the grave vulnerable to pillage by those who would rob the dead.

This adventure site is written for ACKS, with which I have no experience playing or running, though I understand it's built on the BX chassis. I'm not going to focus too much on rules issues but if I get something wrong, feel free to correct me and I will update the review.

Alright, so the centerpiece of this adventure is a water clock—a timekeeping mechanism housed within a tower that is slowly rusting away due to engineering neglect. It is a monument to, and the burial place of, a legendary human general. The site is haunted by a banshee—the spirit of a jilted lover who died heartbroken and penniless after being abandoned by the general long ago.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Grand Retreat of the Great Sage Tellah

The Grand Retreat of the Great Sage Tellah

Author: thanateros777
System: BX
Party Size: ?
Level Range: ? ("mid-level")

Beneath a ruined resort is an underground complex created by a bygone sage for his personal amusement and examination, accessible only by a small outbuilding long overgrown and ruined. Deep inside may be fortunes and perils alike, as the Great Sage was an eccentric, if not abnormal man. What mysteries and riches may the eccentric wizard’s sanctum hold?

So when I opened this PDF, I was nearly blinded by the Moiré pattern on the page—a font so compressed as to remove all but a sliver of white between the characters. Waves of interference made my brain shut down for a second time in this contest. See for yourself...

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Arena Æmilia

Arena Æmilia

Author: Zed
System: BX
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 4-6

Spectacle! at the Arena Æmilia[.] Every Ides new performances. History and legends, classics and new,
thrill and laughter, reenactments and hunts. Entry a silver sesterce, tours upon agreement.

The above notice "hang[s] in ever (sic) town of the region, and every 15th of the month plebeians and nobles alike from all over the frontier province flock to the amphitheater, for some well earned distraction from the toils of imperial expansion."

The site is located in a settlement—any large town or city with an Imperial Rome theme—and its run by Titus, a 7th-level fighter and, variously, a champion, decorated war veteran, and former slave raider. He lives here with his 3rd-level magic-user daughter and her pet smilodon, along with their 100-year old housekeeper, a 4th-level elf who has served Titus's wife's family "for generations" (for some reason).

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Tower in the Lake

The Tower in the Lake

Author: Matthew Lake
System: BX
Party Size: 4-7
Level Range: 3-5

From the surface it’s just a crumbling ruin. But beneath the waves lies the arcane lair of the great wizard Thassalius. Can you unlock the wizard’s fabled library? Dare you plunder his flooded treasure vault? Will you prove yourself against his mutated creations? There’s only one way to find out…

A water-obsessed wizard has built an elaborate tower in the middle of the lake that goes all the way to the bottom. There, he conducted arcane experiments to transform himself into a merfolk like his beloved—a "freshwater" mermaid named Adeline. Then he disappeared mysteriously. Now, twenty years later, only the top floor of his tower stands above the surface, while the submerged levels remain mostly air-filled. The place is leaking badly, however, and the lower level is flooded.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Bridge of Ptelemegesser

The Bridge of Ptelemegesser

Author: Peter McDevitt
System: BX/OSE
Party Size: ?
Level Range: ?

Whoops, this one's missing a couple of pages. Wait, no... it's only one page long. That's a bold strategy, Cotton. But hey, you can do a lot with one page, so let's see if it pays off.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Foundry Ovens of the Bitter Paramore

Foundry Ovens of the Bitter Paramore

Author: Nick Alexander
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 5-7

On a blasted hill, squats a foundry of blackened brick [and] iron, belching acrid fumes day [and] night. Wise men call it cursed.

After that brief intro, the text opens with a list of rumors, some of which are only partially true and one of which is false. I'm not a fan of false rumors. When the DM provides information as part of an adventure setup, most players are going to accept all of it as true unless the party has some in-game reason to be skeptical of its source. False rumors serve mostly to create player confusion and waste session time trying to associate the rumor with the action as the adventure progresses. 

The rumors would work better as a proper introduction that sets up the stakes and provides the party with motivation to get involved. As written, there's only three relevant pieces of information and, subsequently, three motivations.

1) The foundry is the lair of a monster called The Paramore. (Kill the monster.)
2) Local women are disappearing. (Rescue innocents.)
3) Caravans have not arrived. (Earn a reward.)

If you throw in the partially-true rumor about golden statues and the true detail about the foundry being the former workshop of a master artificer, then you can throw in a fourth motivation. (Recover treasure.) Just tighten up all those rumors into a kick-ass introductory paragraph and, yeah, that's all you need for a solid session or two of D&D.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Tor of the Vulture Lord

Tor of the Vulture Lord

Author: Alex Edwards (aka SandboxSorcerer)
System: AD&D/OSRIC
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 1-9

A Roc nests in the ruin of a temple set on a 250 ft stone pillar overlooking a desolate hex. Brigand Horde [and] other Creatures of Chaos use the caverns beneath the temple as a base from which to raid local settlements. Rumours of roc/brigand attacks! Rumours of Gold! Rumours of Demon Cults! Princess Jara was kidnapped, Rescue her!

Can't get much more D&D than that.

I'm always interested by how different people process information. Everyone's brains work in unique ways, and it's part of what makes me question the effectiveness of including a Clarity score in my reviews as it's only my impression of what's "clear" or not. What I'm about to say isn't a criticism, but an observation.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Herbalist's Son

The Herbalist's Son

Author: Jacob72
System: "Classic D&D" (actually BECMI)
Party Size: 4-7
Level Range: 3-5

[T]he lost tomb of the elvish prince Calithilben is said to be close to the tiny ruined druid chapel in the village of Sorn, a sorry place of some two dozen low stone and turf windowless huts.

This adventure assumes the party wants to come here, having arrived at the village via a map or legend related to the tomb. Why they would be interested in plundering the tomb of an elf noble (money, magic, glory, enmity against the elves, etc.) is up to the DM to contrive.

The text dives right into a description of the druid's chapel. It's not clear whether the chapel is a building or a standing stone. No building interior is ever described, so the word "chapel" here may be substituting as a blanket term for a shrine or sacred spot (like a menhir). It's a small quibble, but I was confused and had to re-read the paragraph a few times (and I'm still not certain).

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Crimson Garden of the Crocodile Spirits

Crimson Garden of the Crocodile Spirits

Author: Tristan Shoudy
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: ?

A ruined greenhouse that has been long abandoned rises about the grasslands surrounding it. Within the crumbling palisade surrounding it are shells of other ruined stone and wooden structures. It was once an alchemist’s greenhouse but was left abandoned long ago after he was slain. Prior to his death the alchemist has imported Crocodiles from the south to act as guards for his precious greenhouse. After his death the crocodiles remained but soon perished. They soon rose anew as ghost’s (sic) continued (sic) to perform the task they were given in life, with renewed dedication.

This is more of an encounter than a full-on adventure site, though I suppose that's a distinction without a difference. It just feels small compared to some of the other entries. The writeup only uses two of the three allowed pages for the keyed areas, with about a quarter of the third page being used for monster stat blocks. We're not quite sure who this is for, as no party size or level range is provided (not a good start).

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Scarborough Shire

Scarborough Shire

Author: Nick Roman
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 5-7

Green hills roll to the horizon; nature’s bounty springs forth from the soft, black earth; stamping music and the scent of hearty food fill the air. In the very center of bucolic halfling country, Scarborough Shire springs up along a little-traveled hill-country road, with hospitality aplenty for travelers.

The "shire" in this case is more of a single halfling settlement at an intersection of several roads leading to exotic locales. The party arrives here en route to one of these obviously important destinations, and the little-folk who live here are warm and welcoming. That's to be expected from halflings, whose love of good food and drink is enough to entice any weary traveler. This game is often about subverting expectations, though, so the players would be wise to keep their guard up.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Two Spires

The Two Spires

Author: Louis-Joseph Benoit
System: OD&D “3LBB”
Party Size: 3-6 (+ hirelings)
Level Range: 3-4 (total 20 levels)

Situated in a desert and flanked by a cliff, this outpost is visible from afar (and vice-versa). Two 100’ spires dart towards the sky, like shiny needles. They seem linked at their third by a hanging rope bridge. To the East, two domed buildings, a hut and an encampment. A couple hundred people must live there. To the West, a pasture with bushes and eight-legged beasts, studded with white dots in the sand. This outpost was built on the site of a battle won with the Hammer of Glory and is a safe place… for the daring. It is occupied by pariahs of the Copper Men and (recently) by orc mercenaries.

This description of the general area serves as the introduction to the adventure site. Just before this section is a quick reference key for several acronyms the author uses repeatedly throughout the text to indicate certain mechanics for encounters and reactions.

So, we have a desert region with some sort of habitation and a pair of tall towers situated against a cliff. The text then describes the main two factions at play here. The Copper Men are telepathic desert-dwellers who live here in apostasy, raising "eight-legged reptilian horses" and engaging in trade with... (?) Maybe the other faction? That would be the "Praise-Song's (sic) Orcs," a band of neutral orcish mercenaries looking to earn enough money to build a temple. 

 Okay. This is all weird, but good-weird. Gamma World-weird. Keep going...

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Barbican of Blood

The Barbican of Blood

Author: Mitch Hyde (aka dreadlord)
System: AD&D
Party Size: 4-8
Level Range: 6-8

Rumours suggest a Dark Lord has taken residence in an old ruined outpost, deep in a forest forlorn. Woodsmen and elves report that a 1st circle of druids have fled their stone circle, driven away by the harassment of a powerful figure. They will offer the use of their spells and agents in return for aid.

The "Dark Lord" in question is a ninth-level fighter who, with his retinue of henchmen, has occupied a ruined tower in the forest and driven out a local circle of druids. The druids ask the party to rid them of this menace and offer to assist their efforts. Unbeknownst to anyone, the Dark Lord and his men are actually charmed minions of an ancient vampire whose crypt is below the old fort. Awesome, classic setup

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Tower of the Necromancer

Tower of the Necromancer

Author: Riley
System: Swords & Wizardry
Party Size: 3-4
Level Range: 1-2

Hidden amongst a copse of trees atop a small cliff lies the tower of Santha of Nikoza, the Conjurer. Recently villagers have reported seeing undead and hearing strange moaning sounds.

What's really going on? The magic-user has captured a blink dog and her two pups, whose pitiful howls echo through the caves (this is the ghostly moaning heard by villagers). The magic-user has been experimenting on the blink dog and his magical research has resulted in the flesh of his sell-sword guards phasing out and becoming transparent, giving them the appearance of skeletons (these are the reported undead). Finally, the experiments have caused his charmed ogre servant to periodically teleport to a random location nearby.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Copper Circle

The Copper Circle

Author: A.M Jackson (bucolian)
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 1–2

This construct was built by the once-great wizard Thenzur for magic-users to find his spell, which can only discovered through exploration. He was known to carry every coin out of the dungeon; this structure is what he made from all the copper: a giant cylinder 200' wide and 60' high. [It] is actually a levitating vehicle which housed Thenzur’s exploratory study as well as a site full of puzzles. The vehicle “landed” here a while ago, driven by psionic pygmies in search of Thenzur.

The Designer's Notes at the end of the writeup explain that, "[t]his dungeon was created with the simple prompt of: “What kind of shrine would house [a] 1st-level spell that must be discovered through play?” Questing to find new spells is considered part of the essential activity a magic-user must engage in to fill his spell book, and this adventure places that activity front-and-center. Love that.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Moldiwarp's Burrow

Continuing with my series of reviews of submissions for the Adventure Site 2 Contest. Unfortunately, this one violated the contest rules by using a font size smaller than the 10 point limit (this appears to be 6.5 point or so). 

As a fellow contest participant, I scratched and scraped and cut and snipped to fit my 10-point manuscript onto 3 pages, so I cannot afford mercy to a fellow author who didn't accept the same limitations as everyone else. This would probably be a 5–6 page document at 10-point. I will still evaluate the adventure to provide feedback, but I will not be including this submission in my list of potential winners.

The Moldiwarp's Burrow

Author: Woad Warrior
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 5–6

Located not 10 miles from the borderlands of civilisation and visible from Skepeside, rising ominously above the windswept moors of the wild lands, Gnomish hill has long been a symbolic landmark in the division between wild and civilised land. 10 years ago an adventuring party by the name of the Blue Band laid claim to the hill and built a home for themselves to civilise the wilderness, but were slaughtered to a man by a gnomish army. Now the hill has only its black reputation, even as the wounds left by the Blue Band slowly heal.

The intro identifies this adventure site as "...a combination of dungeon, small settlement and timeline-activated plot. It is not intended to be material suitable for a one-shot, but rather as material to place within a sandbox or campaign." So, not an adventure site? Timeline-activated? Plot? Uh-oh.

"You can, of course, use just the dungeon component of the module, Gnomish Hill." Ok, there we go.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Stables of Zothay

Stables of Zothay

Author: Patrick Dolan (aka OwlbearHugger)
System: AD&D
Party Size: ?
Level Range: 4–5

Kritas, the tyrant of Zothay, has a cavalry of 100 men and 100 horses. Horse shows have long been featured at his stables, but he has recently entered the horseracing field with an emaciated black steed named Kate. She has won the last three races.

This adventure is written for use with Gabor Lux's expansion of the City of Zothay setting—as found in the Barbarian Altanis region of Judges Guild's Wilderlands of High Fantasy. Related materials are used with his permission. The writeup even provides a location for this site on the Zothay city map, which is a convenient touch.

So, there's a local lord who's on a winning streak with his new black mare. Why does the party care? 

On the one hand, local bookmakers are losing big and need capable horse-killers to take care of business. So deep is their anger, they want the beast's head as a trophy and offer 10,000 gp to do the deed. To sweeten the deal, the gambling cartel reveals that the lord keeps his fortune in winnings in the stables, there for the taking. On the other hand, the local high priest is convinced that the mare is a tool of corruption planted by foreign powers, and wants its head to divine its origin. He offers the gratitude of the gods and the services of the temple to the party.

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: Pit of the Red Wyrm

Pit of the Red Wyrm

Author: Jakob McFarland
System: Swords & Wizardry
Party Size: 4-6
Level Range: 5

The red dragon Nimgobar has stolen a banks (sic) strongbox and taken it to his lair, a deep hotspring in the rainforested mountains. In the ruined asylum above, insane dragon-worshipping berserkers grow the merciless insanity peppers of Quetzalemalan which begets them greater strength and insanity.

This adventure is written for Swords & Wizardry, an OD&D clone that includes all the supplemental material (if I understand correctly). I have no direct experience playing or running this particular version of D&D, but I found a lot of help online. I plead ignorance for any mistakes I make with rules assumptions, and I'll be happy to make edits if someone has a correction.

As we begin, the party is traveling through wooded mountains to someplace else when, suddenly, they spy a red dragon soar overhead clutching a golden chest in its claws. It descends below the treeline over in that direction.

Now there's a strong start for an adventure! Perfect, even. No messing around with elaborate job offers or village rumors. Rather: Look! There goes a dragon and he's carrying treasure! (chef's kiss, muah!)

Adventure Site Contest 2 REVIEW: The Pit of the Muirneag

The Pit of the Muirneag

Author: Stooshie & Stramarsh
System: Labyrinth Lord (Advanced Edition Companion)
Party Size: 4–6
Level Range: 5–8

The Pit of the Muirneag (‘Beautiful Girl’) is in a rugged gorse-filled and lightly wooded area that sees snow for 7-8 months of the year. The pit was a holy shrine dedicated to the earth goddess Muirneag as it was a bountiful source of gems, and the goddess gave her people the Iron Egg. Last winter a calamity befell them and the holy site was attacked. The reports say that white demons emerged from a blizzard and slaughtered all, taking the riches for themselves. Recently however trappers and hunters have went (sic) missing as have some brave traders who use the nearby trail as a shortcut across the hills.

The referee's background provides further information as to what's going on here: The shrine to the earth-goddess was a facade. The site is actually dedicated to Ogremoch, one of the Elemental Princes of Evil (Earth) from the Fiend Folio. The events of last winter were precipitated by an archmage named Sloop, along with a mother-and-son pair of white dragons, who attacked the shrine with the intention of stealing the shrine's relic, an item known as the Iron Egg. When the archmage realized the false shrine was actually an elemental cult, he nabbed the egg and fled, bailing on the white dragons who then took up residence in the sacked ruins (I think).